Dysfunctional relationship with food?

Did you know that 1 in 5 people in the United States suffer from a dysfunctional relationship with food? In fact, you might have a dysfunctional relationship with food right this very second! Read on…

  • Have you ever eaten a whole tub of frosting in one sitting?
  • Do you like ranch dressing on pizza?
  • Have you ever fantasized about the hot dogs at Home Depot?
  • Have you ever driven to a convenience store and purchased five packages of Grandma’s peanut butter cookies?
  • Do you drink milkshakes even though you are lactose-intolerant? 
  • Was your favorite school lunch the PB&J “sandwich”?

If you answered “yes” to one of these prominent symptoms, you may be suffering from a dysfunctional relationship with food and need guidance from a certified* food therapist. At Feed Me Right, Inc., certified* food therapists are on the phone 24 hours a day ready to assist you overcome any food obstacles you might have. Just read a testimonial from a satisfied customer, Mrs Q:

“In 2009 I used to stop at a gas station before getting my son from day care and buy a gas station brownie for 45 cents. They were wrapped in plastic and tasted bad, but I needed my sugar. It was not a pleasurable eating experience; I was just filling a need. I was not a picky eater and would eat anything once. I even ate a year of school lunch and developed a temporary taste for school pizza and fruit cups. I’ve always loved food, but since I completed the telephone treatment from Feed Me Right, I no longer have to fight any processed food demons… In fact, eating school lunch for a year changed my life…blah, blah, blah, gluten free…”**

Join Mrs. Q and tens of happy customers who have stopped abusing food and their bodies through our proven “Learn-how-to-cook-and-not-eat-in-your-car” (TM) method. For a meagre $89.99, we will get you back on track in no time!

Call 888-FEEDMENOW for your first and only free consultation.
Please read the fine print below.

* Certified by the Food Association of Therapists (FAT)
** Results not typical

Disclaimer: Actual customers not available. Price subject to change. Feed Me Right is not responsible for relapses back into dysfunctionality. Mrs. Q does not endorse this product and/or service, expressly or implied. Mrs. Q really did eat gas station brownies, but that was in a former life. I have since mended my ways. AMEN!

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20 Responses to Dysfunctional relationship with food?

  1. Mrs. Q June 11, 2011 at 2:52 am #

    (a little comic relief)

  2. Heather June 11, 2011 at 3:23 am #

    Just saw your breakfast posts! Funny because last week I started documenting my students Breakfast in the Classroom on inspiration from your lunch documentation! Anyway, I wanted to add that in my district, the teachers get a free breakfast to eat with their students. I think I many transfer the pictures I took of the breakfasts (they rotate, so there is only 1 week's worth of different food) to a blog and share here. One promising thing my district did this year was take out the chocolate milk option from breakfast. They still have it for lunch, but not with breakfast.

  3. Joy June 11, 2011 at 3:34 am #

    Laughing!

  4. WordVixen June 11, 2011 at 5:05 am #

    "…Mrs. Q and tens of happy customers…" LOL

  5. May June 11, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    Haha I was already smiling but when I reached "Do you drink milkshakes even though you are lactose-intolerant?" I laughed out loud – I used to believe I was lactose intolerant (now I'm not sure what the problem is) and I still did this despite knowing I'd pay for it later!

  6. Quiltin' Jenny June 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    What's wrong with ranch dressing on pizza! LOL!

  7. Quiltin' Jenny June 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    Hilarious. My weird word to prove I was human on the comment above was "heavi." You did that on purpose, didn't you???

  8. Andrew @ Eating Rules June 11, 2011 at 3:02 pm #

    "…blah, blah, blah, gluten free" made me actually laugh out loud. Nicely done, Mrs Q. Nicely done.

  9. Toyin O. June 11, 2011 at 5:30 pm #

    My anwser was no to all those questions, thank God:) I guess I don't have a dysfunctional relationship with food.

  10. Kim June 11, 2011 at 6:19 pm #

    Do you think FAT could help me with hot barbecue flavored pork rinds? And those neon red maraschino cherries most people chuck off their sundaes before digging in?

    I'll never be able to keep a straight face again when I pass those hot dogs at Home Depot.

    Thanks for this, Mrs. Q. Well done!

  11. Mrs. Q June 11, 2011 at 7:37 pm #

    Even though I've repaired my relationship with food, I still do weird things. I can eat a whole package of cookies in no time!

  12. Anonymous June 11, 2011 at 10:39 pm #

    While we are being honest, I must my confess my small obsession with "gas station foods". Mine were corndogs Mrs. Q. They tasted terrible and I knew darn well they were the epitome of processed food yet I stopped two times a week for two weeks several years ago. I have haunting fears that all those chemicals are still floating around in my body!! Thanks for being brave enough to admit people have issues with food.
    As you said earlier, we are all on a food journey :o)

  13. Anonymous June 11, 2011 at 10:55 pm #

    I read your post on Tuesday about the overweight co-worker and I understand where your coming from. Part of me agrees with you, as I have seen it with co-workers of mine. I work at a gym and one of our membership staff is very overweight and always up for taking free food. Obviously in your case, the breakfasts are not mean to be free for teachers and thus she is taking advantage of the school. But I see where you are coming from. And although I don't think it right to judge your co-worker, I get that this is your blog. I come here to read your opinions and I appreciate your honesty. Please don't stop writing what you think. I've learned sooo much from you blog and I don't expect to agree with you on everything. Please keep up the great work.

  14. Shelly June 11, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

    But…but….but…..what if it's ORGANIC ranch dressing and locally made grass fed goat's milk mozzarella!?!?

    Please don't make me give up ranch dressing and pizza!

  15. Nicolette @ Momnivore's Dilemma June 12, 2011 at 12:52 am #

    hmmm.

    ranch dressing on pizza. haven't done that since college.

    but now that processed food stuffs and gluten are out of my life, that is all but a distant memory.

    great post. you made me laugh out loud…

  16. CortneyErin June 12, 2011 at 2:17 am #

    This is cute. I've had health problems for years, beginning with fibromyalgia. I was given tons of powerful medications by doctors when I was 14, none of which took the pain away. I was even diagnosed with lactose intolerance at one point. It wasn't until I removed all meds from my life, switched to an organic diet, and began taking probiotics did my fibromyalgia and so called lactose intolerance "go away". I still have tons of other issues, namely stomach disorders due to the meds, and its very important to keep my diet as clean as possible. I still find myself wanting "crap" food from time to time. Fast food and supermarket junk seems so appealing when its off limits. I've given in a few times, only to be extremely disappointed! Yuck! Totally not worth it, especially when you know how bad it is for you!

  17. TourDeJoey June 12, 2011 at 4:35 am #

    How I wish it were true! Don't we all have some form of dysfunction with food…the problems with food in this country really are staggering!

  18. Dina June 12, 2011 at 5:47 pm #

    I still love PB&J sandwiches! They are the best! I eat them for breakfast now rather than lunch.

  19. Mrs. Q June 12, 2011 at 7:08 pm #

    There's nothing wrong with a PB&J, but what I'm referring to are the ones I ate last year when I was eating school lunch. Here's a picture of them: http://fedupwithschoollunch.blogspot.com/search/label/peanut%20butter%20and%20jelly

  20. Krisfromparis! June 14, 2011 at 1:51 am #

    great post, Mrs. Q!

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